That most wonderous of music events is once again upon us (this weekend in fact). Eurovision! Dodgy outfits, crazy music and sarky quips from Wogan. What more could you want from a weekend?
The UK has chosen to present a middle-aged singer prancing about with schoolgirls: a song that would be quite disturbing, was it not so crap you don't bother listening to the whole thing. Judge for yourself.
Ireland has decided it never wants to host the competition again and aims to achieve this by entering songs so cringingly naff that no-one in their right mind could possibly vote for it. Free pint if you manage to listen to the whole thing.
And, of course, there's always Finland. Huh? Well, quite simply, they have produced the best Eurovision entry ever. Seriously. Arockalypse now.